I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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