Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
