I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
