What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
