Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
