We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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