Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
