So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
