i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize