I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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