Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The struggles of a small town man whore
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
