I wanna bring you to show and tell
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
