It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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