hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
