i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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