he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
