Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
