I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
