did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
