1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
