Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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