It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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