if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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