I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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