You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
