I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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