the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
