I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
