What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
