I can tuck mytits in my pants
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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