So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
