it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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