We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
