Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
