HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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