Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
