Your face is a jimmy john
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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