Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
