She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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