no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
