Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
