my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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