The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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