Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize