don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
