I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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