dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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