Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
