There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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