I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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