I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
