I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
