He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
