so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
