just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
