I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
