I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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